寵物

家裏的寵物越來越多了…

數不清的貓，三十隻有了吧？還有我沒那麼喜歡的狗，原本有五隻，前天又多了六隻。

多了的那六隻小小狗，是被人棄養在我家附近然後被爸發現的。五黑一黃，還滿可愛的，而且很親近人。

家裏三十多隻貓，裡面也有幾隻是被人棄養之後，我們救回來的。

不是很明白某些人的心態。為什麼可以把寵物像玩具一樣說丟就丟？是什麼樣的理由可以讓人泯滅良心讓剛出生的小狗小貓自生自滅？看著牠們清澈的眼睛，我真的無法明白。

我感到憤怒。尤其是每次看到家裏唯一一隻看到我會躲得遠遠的那隻貓兒。不只是我，就算是餵食牠們三餐的媽，牠也照躲不誤。牠對人類已經毫無信任感，身為人類，我對牠感到愧疚，也對棄養牠的人投以最深的詛咒。棄養寵物的人，就從六道脫離，滾到屎溺道吧。反正你們跟屎一樣噁心。

寵物對於人，有著什麼樣的意義？僅僅只是陪伴的動物而已嗎？我不認同。我相信是因為宿命，人才會在茫茫的世間裡，遇上一個肯用牠的一生陪伴著自己的寵物。

牠願意付出，但人卻往往不是如此。萬物之靈？可笑復可悲。

毀敗

「如果毀敗是必然的，那麼所有的航行就是一種往毀敗的奔赴，而划動的槳卻停不下來。」

今天看成英姝的散文《一艘船或一座島》，第一段和最後一段都有這段文字。

看了這段文字，心中有一種特別的感覺。也許是認同吧。

喻依不同，但我們眼裡的喻體卻同是每個人的殊途同歸。

也不過就是如此。

傷口

距離九月五號只剩下六天，我快要可以領到薪水，快要獲得自由，快要可以脫離每天朝八晚五的疲憊生活。

試著檢視這兩個多月來，我所得到的東西，發現儘管我抱怨連連，但是其實我並不真的討厭。

工地裡的叔叔伯伯都很照顧我，儘管有些人並不怎麼親切。我賺到了一筆錢，儘管這筆錢在買了新車和演唱會的門票後已經顯得毫不足道。我學會很多一般人平常根本不會體驗到的工作內容，儘管我的技術並不怎麼好。還有很多，像是忍耐，像是體魄。

還有很多很多的，傷口。

臉上的劃傷，手臂上的刮傷、刺傷、灼傷、以及一堆莫名其妙在身上其他地方跑出來的詭異的傷。

受傷的元兇很多，硫酸、硫酸銅、亂飛的鐵屑，這是最大宗。

受傷的原因很多，但最終都可以歸咎於我不純熟的工作方式。

也難怪我會抱怨，因為那些傷口很難癒合。

也難怪我會視上班為畏途，因為那些傷口代表著我的錯誤，而我討厭錯誤，偏偏這個工作只顯出我的笨拙。

看著手上的傷口，有時候不免又要搭配著煙草陷入沉思。

我的靈魂深處，必定也有個地方像我的手臂一般，滿布傷痕。

有時候會想看看，傷口到底傷的多重，只可惜我深度近視的這雙眼毫無辦法探究。

有時候會想知道，傷口到底傷的多深，為何我時常午夜夢迴被傷口弄得難以呼吸。

於是我選擇眼不見為淨。

於是我將慾望抹在傷口上。

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其實會寫這篇是因為現在腦子裡不斷的repeat Linkin Park的Crawling這首歌，不斷的想著裡面的前兩句歌詞。早上起床的時候，看到手上的傷口，就不自覺的哼了這兩句，哼著哼著，眼眶就紅了，唉。

大概是因為我已經快到達忍耐的極限了吧。

幸好我還能讓Linkin Park陪伴著我，讓我宣洩。



Crawling(live)  查斯特很帥，請仔細看。

Crawling in my skin
These wounds / they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real

There’s something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming / confusing
This lack of self control I fear is never ending
Controlling / I can’t seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
[Without a sense of confidence / I’m convinced
there's just too much pressure to take]
I’ve felt this way before
So insecure

Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Distracting / reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It’s haunting how I can’t seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
[Without a sense of confidence / I’m convinced

there's just too much pressure to take]
I’ve felt this way before
So insecure

Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Distracting / reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It’s haunting how I can’t seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
[Without a sense of confidence / I’m convinced
there's just too much pressure to take]
I’ve felt this way before
So insecure...

Easier To Run

Sometimes I was confused with what is real,however,there is no answer.

Sometimes I want to learn about that what am I fighting for and why I have to,but all the answers of these questions are unknown.

It's hudibrastic.

The cage of doubt has made me bogged down in my brain.

How about to run away? I've tried,but it's not easy to,cause I didn't get power enough.

So I envy at you.

You didn't care about me,but just court the things you need.

And run away.

You didn't make mistake,all of these were just what I want to scream for what you have did and I have lost.



This is the only song I want to sing to you,cause things I want to sat to you got lost before they come. 

Linking Park-Easier to run

Lyrics:

It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something long
It’s so much easier to run
Replace all this pain here all alone

Something has been taken from deep inside of me
The secret I’ve been locked away where one could never see
look so different, never show,
They never go away
Like moving pictures in my head

[Mike’s part]
If I could change I would
Take all the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame and the pain I would
If I could change I would
Take all the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
I would take all the shame and the blame

It's easier to run replacing this pain with something long
It’s so much easier to run
Replace all this pain here all alone

Some things I remember but thought the soul bypassed
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn’t have
Sometimes I think I’m letting go and never looking back
I never really thought so, I never realized?

[Mike’s part]
If I could change I would
Take all the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame and the pain I would
If I could change I would
Take all the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all the shame and the blame

Just watch it in the sun
All of the helplessness as I’ve
Pretending I don’t feel misplaced
It’s so much simpler to change

It's easier to run replacing this pain with something long
It’s so much easier to run
Replace all this pain here all alone

It's easier to run

If I could change I would
Take all the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made

It's easier to run

If I could change I would
Take all the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all the shame with me

困獸

剩下九天，暑假的打工就能結束了。

感到高興，但也有點驚訝於時間流轉之快速。

暑假好像做了好多事情，也好像什麼都沒做。

不過就是一直上班，然後某幾個假日，和朋友出去野了一下，僅此而已。

每當假日結束，隔天要上班的早晨，我都會覺得自己是一頭困在籠子裡的野獸，然後希望時間可以轉快點，讓我直接到下班的時間也好。

討厭這樣的日子，不能如自己之意活著。

我說過我希望可以像個野獸般的活著，只憑欲望，只憑本能，只憑自己的驕傲。

我從不否認自己的欲望，我渴望得到世間的一切。真理，財富，榮耀，愛與被愛，還有自由。

但我仍舊活在牢籠裡。時間的，空間的。也許，還有記憶裡的？

但我仍舊活在牢籠裡，不斷做著困獸之鬥。

長不大

今天，突然覺得自己還沒長大。

早上醒來，風雨很大，正在考慮要不要去上班，爸就說了：「等等叫媽載你去吧，風雨這麼大，騎車危險。」媽聽到了，就說：「這麼大的人了還要我載去上班啊？自己想辦法去。」爸聽到後又說了：「你也不看看今天天氣這麼糟，大猴子自己騎車去妳不怕危險嗎？」

我看他們大概又要鬥嘴了，趕緊去刷牙洗臉弄早餐吃。

吃完早餐已經7:15，是該決定要不要去上班了。本來打算跟爸說，若是媽不想載我去，我就請假吧。不是因為想偷懶，是真的怕危險，也怕爸媽擔心。

走出廚房，爸笑著說，快去準備好東西，等等媽載你去上班吧。媽則是坐在一旁一臉又好氣又好笑的表情。

7:25，我坐在車上，邊指路邊跟媽聊天。

媽笑著說：「以前你爸老是說我太寵你們，把你們都寵壞了，我也一直以為是我太寵你們，結果沒想到今天反而你爸比較寵你。」

我笑笑，不回話，只微微點頭表示認同。

想到小時候，總是希望快點脫離父母的羽翼，想快點擁有自己的天空。

然後，上了大學，我以為我已經成熟，足以獨當一面，直到今天。

原來，我還是需要父母寵，我還是需要…

原來，我還是長不大…